Smile Empty Soul: Finding Me
by Sweet Roses
Summary: A song fic pertaining to the lyrics of Finding Me by Vertical Horizon. This is the first of my series of songfics. Ron sits across from Hermione, trying to find out exactly what it is about her that he loves.


_I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. I do not own Vertical Horizon's song Finding me either. The story does not take place after what happened in the 6th book, a.k.a they are not leaving and Voldy is not really destroying anything. So that being said, it's basically just a bunch of selected things from the books, with no spoilers from the 6th book. Ok, enjoy and PLEASE review. _

_Also, this is my first "genuine" song fic, so go easy, it may not be that good._

**Finding Me**

**I don't think you notice **

**When you see my face**

**I guess you're waiting **

**To spin me around again**

**Wheels I guess are turning **

**Somewhere inside my head**

**I know that this is deeper then you get**

llllllllllll

Hermione Granger was no more then a pretentious, know-it-all that knew everything about nothing. Memorizing potions, spells and facts didn't make you smart…it just showed that you had a lot of time on your hands.

She loved to dictate religiously, Hogwarts a History whenever there was a situation to make herself seem superior. In fact, she loved to take any situation to make herself seem superior to others, but none more then Ronald Weasley, who was defiantly an easy target.

However, as the years went by Ron and Hermione, (no matter how many times they were at each others throat) unwillingly had feelings for one another. Even though she was never his fantasy of what love should be, he fell hard and fast. Hermione didn't represent her feelings too well either and 80 percent of the time the two were finding out new ways to make the other jealous.

By now, Hermione had learned that Ron was a pompous idiot in the best of situations and always seemed to screw things up for himself by insulting her. Hermione was never good at really explain herself, especially to Ron. Although she knew that she loved him, she would never want to sink that low to admit that _she_ was the one wrong and in a nutshell, that pissed Ron off.

He knew that she would never take the blame for starting the argument, for being the one at fault. She was the perfect student, one that was too busy with her studies then to ever care about him deeply. Now, it's been six and a half years since they met and hundreds of arguments between them, but Ron felt that right now, at this moment things weren't too bad.

Well, not too bad because neither were talking to turn it into a bad situation. Hermione and Ron were in their seventh year. Christmas was right around the corner and they would be staying this year on account that they were prefects and also that their best friend, Harry Potter would be staying.

Ron watched agitatedly as Hermione turned another page in her book. She didn't even notice him staring at her. But he was. He was basking in her glory. All that was Hermione. The hair, the eyes that narrowed whenever she was at a good part in the book, the lips, which she would bite every so often, and of course, the brains: her trademark.

Ron swallowed hard and shifted restlessly in his chair and she still didn't notice him. They were the only two in the room and Ron was getting so aggravated that she wasn't seeing him that he felt like going up and shouting at her, "Look at me, I love you!" Nevertheless, rash outbreaks like that was never his style, and he would never do it. Instead he sat listening to the soft breathing of Hermione as she turned another page.

He once again rested easily in his chair, and continued to stare at Hermione's fixed features. She still didn't notice.

Hermione only _knew_ books, and what she _read_ in books and what she _didn't_ learn from books _wasn't_ fact and was dangerous and instead she'll just run away and hide. Ron knew that "love" was one of those unknown facts.

He may have been a boy, but he knew more about love then she ever did, and that really was a first. He looked out the window and cleared his throat, and for the first time Hermione looked up.

llllllllllll

**But you're coming back again**

**You don't mean to waste my time**

**But you're coming back so**

Don't tell me 

**How to be **

**Cause I like some suffering**

**Don't ask me**

**What I need**

**I'm just fine **

**Here finding me**

llllllllllll

'Are you done your homework Ron?' Hermione asked in a semi-sweet voice that Ron couldn't distinguish. He stared at the window for a moment longer wondering if she was being degrading or just curious.

'No, not really.' He replied, finally turning to see her unexplainable features.

'Ron,' she sighed. 'You're not going to get anywhere with that…' It was a song that Ron had heard one too many times, and in actuality, he was sick of it. He passed his OWL's and his classes up until now (thanks to Hermione, but he'd never admit that).

'I know Hermione, but- I don't know why I have to explain myself to you!' he said in a stony tone, which was surprising considering his soft features. Hermione's cheeks turned red. He hated the fact that he was fighting her back when he really didn't mean to. He didn't even want to say anything.

'You- you need to be more…sophisticated! More like a student, a role model Ron. You have to be more like-'

'You!' Ron snapped directly and she stopped talking. Hermione placed her book down on the table and crossed her arms, apparently readying herself for another argument.

'Ron, do you have any idea _what_ this homework means?' she said in a matter-of-fact tone, sitting herself straight-backed in the chair. Ron looked out to the dull black sky and shrugged.

'Hm. I see how it is. Do you have any idea _why_ we're supposed to do this?' Again, Ron just shrugged and leaned further into his chair as if he could escape Hermione's bombardment of questions.

'Ok then Ron, what about after school, what do you plan to do hm?' Hermione got up out of her chair and walked slowly towards him. 'Spend the rest of your life trying to get other people to do the work for you because you've got another thing coming!' Hermione sat on the edge of the coffee table across from Ron and continued her lunacy about Ron's future.

'You can't expect to have someone like _me_ around who will help you though everything! You need to straighten yourself out and do things for yourself. Because Ron, if you don't, you're going to be the one to-'

'Suffer? Yeah I've noticed. By the way you're talking maybe I need to. Maybe it will "straighten" me out as you so boldly stated.' Ron shouted at her. That was it. It always ended like this. One of them walking out, and this time, it was him. He didn't even wait to hear what Hermione had to say, didn't even stay to look as her stern features turn soft and mourning.

Ron didn't know where he was going to go. It was nearly midnight and he surely wasn't going to get anywhere if Filch was around, let alone Peeves. He just needed to collect himself; he had to find himself, for Hermione.

He leaned against the wall right outside of the portrait hole, if he heard Filch coming, he could easily slip back inside. He just needed some air. Some extra time to think…about what she said. It was true, he was going to suffer, but right now suffering was all he had. Everytime he was with Hermione he was suffering, he was used to it.

He just wished that sometimes instead of talking about herself, or how Ron had screwed up that she would just shut up and tell him how in love she was with him. He shook his head at the foolishness of his thoughts. They were so young, and immature. Yet, he has only been in love with one person. No one was more important to him then Hermione.

llllllllllll

**I've already given up on getting though**

**I never question who I'm talking to**

**Oh so much for nothing **

**But nothing means so much **

**I know it's touching **

**But I feel out of touch**

**And it's all that I can do**

**I'm a sight for my sore eyes **

**But it's all I am so**

llllllllllll

The portrait hole opened and Ron froze. Hermione walked out, pulling a sweater over her head. She didn't bother looking to her side, and if she did there would have been no need for the scream.

'Hermione?' Ron asked and Hermione jumped, letting out a shrill cry.

'I- I thought you went outside. Its dreadfully cold out, and it would have been stupid of you to go out.' She finished. 'I was going out to get you.'

'Why?' He asked in shock.

'Well because.' Hermione said and then just as Ron thought Hermione was about to confess her undying love to him she started to ramble on about bacteria. 'The longer you stay outside the colder you get and the lower your immune system gets and by the time you get inside, you're a welcome mat for bacteria. See bacteria isn't outside because they need heat to live-'

'Hermione! Spare me the lecture. I don't need it. If I did, I'd go see the nurse.' There was a long pause between them and then Hermione let out a loud sigh.

'I know that I'm not up to you're standards of academic achievements, but I'm fine Hermione! I don't need your help. And frankly, I give up; I'm though with trying to please you because I can't. Nothing works with you!' He blurted all at once and Hermione stood there facing him, unsure of what to say to that remark.

'You can't just give up.' She said quietly and as if to cover up she said, 'you're so close to finishing school, and exams are coming.' Hermione held her hands together.

Ron leaned against the wall once more and Hermione started to bite her lip, neither of them said another thing. He couldn't feel her eyes on him, he couldn't feel her thinking thoughts about him, and he was completely out of tune with her. For the first time, he wasn't caring about her.

Hermione shook her head apprehensively and then went back inside the room. It wasn't long until Ron followed her in. He sat in the same chair across from her, who was still reading the same book and one again refusing to look at him.

Hermione was like a puzzle to Ron. One of those puzzles that look easy but when you try and attempt to piece it together you find that it's nearly impossible. Ron felt like he was missing pieces, missing parts of Hermione that would tell him exactly what she sees in him…or in others.

Hermione was getting used to weaving through the arguments now, it seemed that nothing brought her down or affected her as much as it did him. He had tried giving up on her, but something always pulled him back to the beginning. Back to where he can't grow up and brush off an insult from Hermione. He always had to get her back if _she_ insulted _him. _Right?

Llllllllllll

**I don't think you notice **

**When I can't reach out **

**I guess your waiting **

**On somebody else again**

Llllllllllll

Hermione would always bring him back though. Back to the present where she would always win the argument and he would be left wounded and vulnerable. And somehow she knew that. It was times like this that she brought up extremely touchy subjects like Victor Krum, for example.

She would never realize that after fierce words were exchanged and empty threats were exposed that Ron was genuinely sorry. He would never tell her to her face because the fear of ridicule, but to her soul, like the gateway between two worlds where he was understood without even breathing a word to her.

The fire was almost dead and Ron shifted once more in the plush chair that felt like cement. It felt like that argument never happened, that he didn't move from this chair at all tonight, that he was just staring at Hermione, and she not noticing him.

Llllllllllll

**Oh so much for talking**

**Its all been said before**

**I'm hearing something**

**But I wish you'd just say more**

llllllllllll

The silence was enticing. As if nothing was stopping him from penetrating her mind and read what she's reading, think what she's thinking. There was a crack from the fire, causing him to turn his head to the dying embers. When he looked back, Hermione was staring at him, with perplexed eyes.

'Sorry.' She said simply before returning to her book and that was it. Sorry. A simple word that to him meant so much. But that was it. Just sorry.

'Sorry for what?' His thoughts entered his mind on parade. 'Sorry for mocking me any chance you got? Sorry for making me look ignorant?' He paused his intrusion of thoughts. He didn't want to ruin something so pure. 'Was it pure?' he sparked.

Hermione flipped a paged and yawned. Instead of reading it she closed the book and set it down on the table. It looked as if she was going to get up and go but as Ron looked more closely she slumped back into her comfy chair, unwilling to get up. Too comfortable to leave the chair, the silence was too comfortable to leave.

Ron waited. He waited for her to say something. Something witty, something dark, something demeaning, but nothing came; nothing but the resentful silence. Her eyes slid shut and she appeared to be drifting into a deep slumber but Ron stayed wide-awake as if trying to find a reason to sleep, to take his eyes off her.

He searched deep within himself to find a reason to stay but he couldn't find one, but he couldn't leave either. At that moment, he wanted to tell her everything. His love for her, but he couldn't find the words to say. Couldn't even find a reason to tell her, like she didn't deserve to know. He was a t a loss and couldn't find anything. Who he was, why he was there and why he was in love with such a chauvinist.

Llllllllllll

**But you're going off again**

**When I try to just hold on**

**But you're going off so**

Llllllllllll

Hermione wasn't asleep yet. She was breathing too heavy to be asleep. Ron knew that but it still didn't stop him from conflicting with himself to tell her about how much he loved her.

The conflict with himself was almost painful. He didn't know how to react if she rejected him, or even how to act if she didn't. Then he felt it. He felt the light feeling in his stomach rise from the pit all the way up to his head. Hermione opened her eyes as if sensing this.

She let out an exasperated yawn, stretched her arms and stood.

'Hermione' Ron said, unknowing what he really wanted to say. Hermione turned with question in her eyes. She looked awfully tired, like she had just pulled an all-nighter doing homework, not reading.

Silence.

Hermione raised her eyebrows in wonder at Ron, who opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He didn't know what to say, in fact, he didn't have anything _to _say. He just wanted her to stay with him.

'I'm going to bed Ron, goodnight.'

'Wait!' He attempted to bring her back to her chair but she insisted that she should get some sleep. 'Wait, just a minute.' Ron jumped out of his seat and ran towards Hermione, who rubbed her eyes.

'Yes?'

'Um-' he did it again. He froze. He could not find the words to say. They were trapped under a blanket of uncertainty and fear of rejection. 'Goodnight.' His eyes lied and Hermione noticed that something didn't seem right in them.

'Goodnight' Hermione mumbled back before turning and heading off to the girls' dormitory.

Ron watched as she made her way up, slowly realizing that every time that he tired to explain himself to her it would always just be a goodnight, a word that lacked commitment. He waited, stood there for minutes in the deafening silence before he retuned to his seat to once more look at the reminisce of Hermione.

There was no more page turning to break his silence. No more fire to interfere with his thoughts. The only thing that made him turn his head was a door opening. Ron looked towards the object and saw Hermione in her green cloud pajamas.

She padded across the cool floor and stood in front of Ron. He stared not daring to cut the silence between them once more. Hermione bent down and placed a light kiss on his cheek before once again standing tall.

That was all. Then she left once more, slipping though his fingers. His face was red as he waited for her to come back out, but she didn't It was late and he knew that tomorrow was the big Quidditch game that he must attend, tired or not.

The silence was placid. A perfect environment to reflect on things that just happened. Ron tried to lay things out from the moment he sat down in the chair to the feather light kiss that he received, but he had a time finding all the right pieces.

However, he figured out that Hermione was better left an uncompleted puzzle, who, with all her simplicity and imperfection, was beauty. No matter how hard Ron tried, he would never finish his puzzle. He would never know how her really feels until he finds all the missing pieces. But right now he was satisfied with what he had. He loved Hermione and that was enough for him.

Fin

_Um…ok…that was it. Please tell me what you thought of it. It was my first song fic so go easy. I've never written a song fic before but this idea was rolling around in my head for a while and when I listened to the song it clicked so perfectly into place. This is really the starting of a series that I've started. I'll have many more song fics soon to come mostly pertaining to Hermione and Ron's relationship (good and bad) but there will be some other characters (not too many)._

_Please review! THANKS_

_Yours truly,_

_Sweet Roses_


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